What I wish I’d said to Anita Moorjani

26/08/2013 at 1:08 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 58 Comments
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There’s an autumnal edge to the air, and outside the leaves are speckled brown in places. The apples are reddening on the trees, and children’s school shoes are flying out of the shops. I’m about to plan the meditation themes for a new term in the Studio. So, all in all, I have that ‘going back to school’ feeling. The weather is cooling off and it’s time to learn again (as if we ever stop).

Instead of working, I keep thinking about a ‘nearly’ conversation I had with Anita Moorjani at the Hay House ‘I can do it!’ London conference last autumn. It keeps playing on my mind. I haven’t thought about it for months. So there must be a reason why it’s coming up now.

I heard Anita speak about her near death experience at the conference. I had previously read her book, Dying to be Me, and loved it. Last year, Anita was still fairly new to public speaking, and she was accompanied on stage by Dr Wayne Dyer. I liked her lack of ego. She wasn’t trying to prove anything. She simply had an amazing experience to share. Anita’s essential message seemed to be: Live your life fearlessly. You are always loved. You are magnificent. You are meant to be you, no one else. Live your life to the full. Enjoy being you.

At the end of the conference, I saw Anita again. I was standing in a long queue on the stairs, waiting for luggage from the cloakroom. Anita walked up the steps with her husband Danny. I said a quiet, heartfelt ‘Thank you’.

To my surprise, in all that noise Anita heard me and stopped. She looked at me, waiting for more. I didn’t know what to say. So I opted for: “Thank you for your talk. I really enjoyed it.”

“Why, thank you so much,” said Anita, and carried on her way.

Now the thing is, I wasn’t being honest. There was more I could have said. Much more.

What was I really thanking Anita for?

The clue is in this photo.

Timothy and Steven

It’s a picture of my teenaged son, Timothy, with his lovely, supportive dad – my partner Steven. You will notice that Timothy is disabled. He has an undiagnosed condition which means that he cannot walk, except for a few wobbly steps. He cannot talk, beyond a few basic words. “Ready, steady go!” is his favourite expression. He uses signs to communicate. He is holding his ‘taggy’, a favourite soft shape covered with labels that he likes to play with.

You may also notice that Timothy is smiling. Timothy smiles a lot. He loves people. When I’m with him I always have a sense that I am unconditionally loved and accepted. Other people experience the same thing. Timothy feels good to be around.

So what does this have to do with Anita Moorjani?

A vision of bliss

Unlike Anita, I have not had a near death experience. But the year before Timothy was born I had an experience which was very like one. I call it a vision, but it involved other senses too.

In my vision, I wasn’t in my body. It felt to me that I was pure energy. Somehow, I was occupying the space between matter, between the particles of matter. Matter itself, our physical world, appeared insubstantial, like a movie image that you could put your hands through.

The feeling I had was pure, absolute bliss. I was known, and witnessed and absolutely loved by the overriding intelligence that was everywhere in that space. For want of a better word, I called that intelligent being, ‘God’. But I knew it had nothing in common with external views of God.  I was unconditionally loved. I was incapable of sinning. I was this shining, wondrously loving consciousness in which I bathed, and it was me. There was no separation. And these same truths applied to every being on this earth.

It’s hard to put my vision of 18 years ago into words. Harder still in a blog post where I’m conscious I don’t want to go on too long.  I’m writing more fully about it in a book, called This One is Special, which I hope to publish when it’s ready.

Hard lessons

My vision of bliss has never completely left me. It sustained me when Timothy was born with complex and life-threatening issues, which became more apparent as he grew older.

As every parent of a disabled child knows, it is incredibly difficult dealing with the complex medical decisions for someone you adore, whose survival may at times seem fragile at best. It took me a while, and I stumbled many times, but gradually I learnt to trust my intuition – the inner voice of wisdom. And I believe this has helped Timothy immeasurably, many times over.

Not only that, after the vision it was as if a door remained open to the Other Realm. I have had, and continue to have, other visions that teach, sustain and delight me. Increasingly, I share these with others.

To me, it seems that Timothy himself occupies a space between this world and the Other Realm. He can appear immensely intuitive. He can sign an answer to me when I’ve only just framed the question in my mind – before I’ve spoken it aloud. And his unconditional love, his lack of judgement, is powerfully like the energy I experienced in my original vision of bliss.

 

So what exactly was I thanking Anita for? 

In a word, validation.

Anita appeared to be terminally ill with cancer, on the verge of complete organ failure, when she had her near-death experience. In her book, Dying to be Me, she describes how she experienced a state of extreme bliss while also being aware of what was going on in the hospital, and also where her brother was, many hundreds of miles away. She describes how she understood that she was completely loved, and magnificent. And when she returned, her body healed within days.

What Anita describes corresponds to my own vision, although our circumstances were very different. I am grateful that Anita worked hard to share her experiences in a thoughtful and balanced way. Eighteen years ago, when I experienced my vision, these things were less talked about. I have always felt that I live two lives: the physical one here, and the blissful one, in the space between the particles.  The first I talked about; the second, I did not.

Well, that is changing. Now I am talking about my experience of bliss – why ever wouldn’t I? Seeing Anita stand up and speak her truth, with dignity, on a stage before  hundreds of people has got a lot to do with that.

The autumn term begins here in one week’s time. There’s one thing I’m sure about, whether I’m learning, or sharing what I’ve learnt: I will speak my truth.

58 Comments »

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  1. Dear Suzanne, I found your ‘blog’ very moving. Your feelings from the heart came across and I am still on the verge of tears as I type this. Timothy sounds a joy to be with – a time you must cherish and give thanks that he was ‘given’ to you to be cared for. His picture expresses his joy, I am sure you are learning and will go on learning many things from him. I have listened to you when you talk about what you have gone through with him, and it is obvious of the connection you have with him.

    I so enjoyed Anita’s story that I sent a copy to a spiritual friend now living in Australia. May I send her a copy of your blog please?
    Love & light
    Diane xxx

  2. Dear Diane, thank you for your kind and thoughtful comments, which I truly appreciate, and which brought tears to my eyes. I am very happy for you to send your friend in Australia a copy of my blog. With much love x x x

  3. Thank u so much…… This is the 1st time I’ve sat and read a blog to the end, I felt all the words you were saying and had to read on……. The most beautiful picture appeared, and I continued, I had to compose myself for a moment before I could reply , What a lovely blog to sit and read , …. And make me thankful for following my spirtual path, in many ways your feeling reflect how spirtual belifs make things so much lighter and with love ~ just want to say thank you, for some reason …. Today I was meant to sit and read what u wrote , I want to just say ” Thank u ” , if I was to write why , would be here all day, I wish love , light and happiness, and you have givin me the push to start my blog . You have a beautiful family x Love & Light is my page on FB, if u follow it, if not have signed up to recieve more blogs. You really have made me see things clearer! Xxxx Clair ❤

    • Dear Clair, I’m so grateful for your comments, and for the fact that my story has touched you. I love what you say, about spiritual beliefs making things so much lighter and with love – that is so true. I will look for your FB page, and wish you strength and bliss on your ongoing spiritual journey. x x x

  4. Reblogged this on Powerfully Authentic Lives and commented:
    love this and love Anita Moorjani

    • Dear Rodney, thank you for reblogging my story. I am very touched that you feel that my family are living powerfully authentic lives. I am now following your inspiring blog.

      • Thank you Suzanne –I also believe that you and your family are inspiring others to live powerfully authentic lives! namaste.

  5. It was beautiful reading your blog, your experience and to read about your amazing son. Sending you and him lots of love. And I look forward to your book.
    Hugs,
    Swati

    • Thank you for your kind comments and your love and support, Swati. It is very much appreciated. I have just visited your beautiful blog, and will look forward to seeing more of your writing in the future too. With love x x x

      • So lovely meeting you Suzanne!! My blog has many stories about Archangel Michael…I love working with him! :D. And I loved your website too. The way you wrote, the feelings, everything really touches one’s heart. I wrote on Anita’s FB post about your blog that I hope you both do meet again, and this time you both do talk. (((hugs))) Sending soooo much love to you and your beautiful son! I really do look forward to your book.

      • …oh and I wanted to add, I just subscribed to your blog, and liked your facebook page to remain updated ❤

  6. Natalie Sudman, author of “Application of Impossible Things,” uses the exact same word – BETWEEN – to describe the feeling of her relationship to matter while in an expanded state of consciousness. Thanks for your story, Suzanne.

    • How interesting, Sarah; thank you for mentioning this. I shall look up Natalie Sudman and her book. We are all looking for the words to describe the indescribable. ‘Between’ is a helpful word, because no one can classify that which lies beyond all classifications.

  7. Suzanne,
    Thank you for sharing this with us, what an inspiring story. All I want to say is that the face and the eyes of your son, even in the picture reflect so much love and light and specially purity of soul, and the way you explain it is perfect; ” Timothy himself occupies a space between this world and the Other Realm” it is almost as we can see the light and love of God shining through his being. He truly is a gift to you and your family, he is such an advanced, brave and selfless soul that came to earth to teach us many lessons. Many blessings to you and your family, specially Timothy.

    • Dear Aza, thank you for your truly beautiful words. I am so happy that you can see the love and light and purity of soul in Timothy. To be seen, to be witnessed, is life affirming for him and for all his family. With love and blessings to you also.

  8. Just beautiful. Each of us validate and encourage each other to speak our truth! Blessings to you and your family and thank you for sharing this part of your journey.

    • Sandy, thank you so much for your kindness. I have learnt a lot today about how kind and generous in spirit our wider community is. The support is tangible, and much appreciated.

  9. Beautiful. If I were walking past you, I would also say a quiet, heartfelt ‘thank you’ – and I would know that wherever Timothy was at that moment, he would hear it too. Blessings to your amazing family. I look forward to reading your (already written in time and space) book.

    • Oh, bkukucka, what a beautiful thing to say, thank you so much. I am very touched by your kindness towards Timothy and our family. Thank you x x x

  10. Dear Suzanne, I was very moved by your story and totally impressed by your experiences with Spirit and the further experiences with your son and his Dad! So many parallels with Anita’s experience. And the beautiful responses from Clair, Diane and several others!! I have loved Anita more than a few years now and tried to follow her suggestions with some success. And I have been on the Path for about thirty years now! All of your beautiful experiences and your beautiful and gifted son’s beautiful experiences along with his Dad’s beautiful support suggest to me, that like Anita, you are all standing very close to the gates of Heaven!! Love to you All! Steve G

    • Dear Steve, thank you for your kind, beautiful and supportive words. You must be an amazing person, full of light yourself, to have followed this path for 30 years. Much love x x x

  11. Found you via Anita’s Facebook Page. And so glad I did! Your experience of your vision sounds so amazing. And to have it validated- phenomenal. I have had some amazing spiritual experiences in hypnotherapy that were validated as well. My son has taught me so very much; and in an effort to help him (he has sensory processing issues and dyslexia and more), life lead me to having a spiritual awaking. Blessings!

    • Thank you for your kind comments, and your son sounds extremely special – a beautiful catalyst for your own spiritual growth, just as my son has been for me. Wishing you both much love and happiness x

  12. Thank you for writing this–it moved me deeply. Many years ago, I lost my only son to brain cancer and, over the 6 years he lived with it, he became more and more disabled…and more and more loving. At the time, I was a mess–distracted, depressed and living in terrible anxiety over his approaching death and our precarious financial situation. But my wish now is that I could have had your wonderful insight and have heard Anita’s story back then. I hope this reaches many parents of disabled children and opens their eyes to the gift that time with their child truly is. The special ones seem to have a connection with that bliss that exists at the heart of our world of matter and connects it with the world to come.

    • Dear Patricia, I hold out my hand to you right now. You truly understand the joy and pain of loving a disabled child. There is a healing technique I would like to share with you now – I don’t know if you have tried this before. Give yourself permission to become quiet, and still. Connect with the divine within you. Know that you are loved and all is well. Then go back in time, in your imagination, to a particularly difficult day or night with your son. And give your younger self, and your son, the biggest loving hug and support. One time when Timothy was little, I was struggling just like you. I dreamt that my future self came to me and reassured me. I truly believe this helps, because time is an illusion. And essentially, we can always be with those we love. I hope this helps you and others in our situation.

      • Thank you both, Patricia and Suzanne (blog was so good to read) for your comments here. My son has autism. Although he has come so far I keep pushing and not being satisfied. I am missing out on the joy that is there. I was so much better when I was younger and more accepting. Now my fears for him coping in the world are blocking my just loving and being with him – and noticing his perfection just as he is. So, thank you. Now I will look for my younger self to comfort me today and my older self to look back on this day (and your comments) and be so grateful for the chance to realize and grow.

      • Thank you so much for that suggestion. Do you know, I wrote a short story 30 years ago in which that happened–I found a way to visit my younger self and communicate with her. I’m going to try to visualize such a meeting today when I meditate. And I’m going to pass along the idea to other people I know who have deep regrets about the past. This technique could help victims of all sorts of trauma, I think.

      • Dear Wendy, your awareness is invaluable. Be kind to yourself. I know, and I’m sure Patricia, you also know, how challenging our roles can be. For me, learning to trust that all is well has been an invaluable part of the journey. Patricia, I love the fact you wrote a story 30 years ago in which you helped your younger self. That is so beautiful.

  13. Dear Suzanne;
    I totally understand your story. It is a amazing n wonderful story of your son Timothy . He is such a beautiful boy with an amazing smile that warmes the heart. I was also blessed with a son that had a very rare syndrome ( LeshNyhan Syndrome) Adam was such an amazing inspiration to many people n touched many lives. When he was born the Dr’s told us that Adam would not live til he was 5. I was devastated n could not accept this. I could not deal with the thoughts of death but Adam taught us that each day was such a blessing that our lives changed more each n every day to acceptance n joy. Adam never complained even though he was in a great deal of pain every day, he always asked about others. Adam would always see the positive in every day. He showed us what was more important each n every day n how to love life n others unconditionally.Adam was blessed to go to another Realm on a regular basis n tell us how beautiful it was. We had the pleasure of spending 25 years with the most amazing young man anyone will ever know.Adam beat many odds with great struggle n with a positive attitude. When Adam passed I kept thinking how beautiful the after life would be for him n I realized that this was his time to be free of pain n enjoy the things he taught us with great pleasure n freedom. He was a very positive young man. The emptiness in my heart will always be there but with thankfulness n great pleasure to have been his mother.It is very amazing that this came to me at this time because it is three years this week since we lost Adam. Adam favourite saying was ( I LOVE U NO MATTER WHAT ) and he meant this , he always seen the good in people.
    ( From a mother that was blessed for 25 years ) Mary

    • Dear Mary
      Thank you for your kind and courageous comments. Your son Adam sounds so beautiful and loveable. During his lifetime, he must have taught so many people about love and positivity, and continues to do so now, every time you tell his story. You are an incredible mother and the magic of that amazing bond between the two of you will always shine in you. Much love, Suzanne ♡

  14. Suzanne, this is such a beautiful piece of writing.

    I’m not sure what I want to say, except that I would definitely have to agree with you that Timothy absolutely does feel good to be around. Despite his medical conditions and what many would see as a disadvantage in life, Timothy always seems to be one of the most content people I know. He has an amazing ability to lie back, often observing the activity of those around him and take it all in, yet just relaxing and “chilling out.” He is a very calming influence and I’ve spent many a happy time just sitting back on the sofa with him and particularly remember a lovely day lying on the trampoline together just looking at the sky. Content is always a word I’ve associated with Timothy, so I love your description of his bliss and of course who could know that any better than his own mother? Watching the two of you together and the communication between you is joyful and always very calming, but I also love his ability to share a cheeky joke or game and pure smiles.

    I hope the book writing is going well and I shall look forward to reading it when you’re ready!

    Laura x

    • Dear Laura, thank you for your lovely comments. I remember that trampoline session that you had with Timothy. How beautiful and relaxing, just to look up at the sky together. I also know Timothy enjoyed watching our hooping session recently too! Much love x

  15. Thank you 🙂

  16. Suzanne, thank you for sharing this message! Sending love and blessings to yourself and your family. And, the end of your blog reminds me of a quote I love, about speaking our truth.
    From Maggie Kuhn ““Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.”
    I always remember this quote when I feel fear before speaking up about my own truth and experiences, and it’s amazing how watching others (like Anita) be courageous, open, loving and fearless gives us all the permission and inner fire to do the same for ourselves.
    Love,
    Bernadette 🙂

    • Bernadette, thank you for that great quote from Maggie Kuhn. I also love your description of inner fire to speak our truth – wonderful 🙂
      With love, Suzanne x

  17. Dear Suzanne!
    Thank you for sharing your experience and about your son, Timothy. I really appreciated your courage in expressing what some may call a woo woo experience…. which I have had myself in a dream…the same connection, the same as Anita. Words will not describe it fully. I will never forget that dream I had over 25 years ago…. I will never forget that feeling of bliss, total acceptance and unconditional Love. Those words still don’t paint the whole feeling. This dream added to other life experiences that lead me to become an Energy Coach and a passion to help others become who they Truly are.
    Thank you…and thank you Timothy. Much Love to you and your family. xx

    • Dear Di, thank you for your kind comments. I have come to realise that woo woo can be a very good thing 🙂 Your dream sounds powerful, amazing, and clearly a catalyst for you to help many others through your work as an Energy Coach. Love and blessings to you x

  18. Suzanne, love this blog post. Thank you! Definitely can feel the love and connection here. What you are saying about your son is beautiful. I can feel him too through your picture. Pure love. I too love Anita Moorjani and have adopted her “Live Fearlessly”.

    I’ve had astral travel experiences which have given me information that I should not know either. Have written about them as well and will publish soon. I am really looking forward to your book so get writing please! Going to follow your blog now so I know when it comes out. Plus I love your writing. How you express yourself.

    Namaste, Seann

    • Dear Seann, thank you for your kind comments, which I appreciate from one writer to another. Your astral travel experiences sound amazing, and a great gift. It’s wonderful that you have written a book about it, and good luck with the publication. Wishing you love, happiness, and every success with your writing. x x

  19. Beautiful. I am so glad that there are beautiful people willing to speak about how they are experiencing this world and the spaces in between. It makes it so much easier to remember what is really important. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for your beautiful story and addition to this world.

    • You are so welcome, Brooke, and thank you for your kind validation. It’s true that we all help each other on this journey.

  20. Suzanne, thank you for writing your thoughts and experiences so eloquently and sharing it with the world. I was most touched by your son’s occupancy of “a space between this world and the Other Realm”. It reminds me of when my babies were born, and when my mother passed over last year. Most magnificent and pure love just love permeating from them and engulfing me… With my babies it went weaker with the weeks, with my mother it became stronger with the days and hours. How fortunate you all are to 🙂 Namaste, with love and joy, margaret in Holland

    • Thank you for your insightful words, Margaret. It’s so true, that we encounter incredible pure love in both the new born and those who are soon to move into the light. Perhaps what we are all learning now is how to experience it during the life-long passage between those two states. Love and happiness to you.

  21. Thank you for the inspiration and for being able to say.. “I will speak my truth.” My heart heared it.. 🙂

    • You’re so welcome, Khristy. I’m so glad my post spoke to your heart ♡

  22. Suzanne, thank you. An amazing story. I too have been moved by Anita’s story, so much so that I read her book 3 times,one after another; indeed I come to your blog via her comment about it on facebook. Your grasp of the spiritual and how it works is excellent, and your recognition of the role that Intuition plays is fantastic. I have just published a book entitled ‘Cultivating Intuition – the power of original Thought’. I try to encourage people to recognize the sheer brilliance and power of their Intuitive selves. see amazon link. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cultivating-Intuition-Original-thought-ebook/dp/B00E7HN6GW/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375137590&sr=1-1 .

    I would also love to re-blog this on my blog – may I do this? trouble is, I am not sure how to do this. I will try and work it out. Blessings to you. I would love to chat to you about all this. I think we are walking very firmly up the same road.
    With love,
    James

    • James, I’m so glad you enjoyed my post, and your work with intuition sounds marvellous – I shall have a look at your book. You are of course very welcome to reblog, and thank you for wishing to do so. I think there’s a button you press on the browser bar that makes it very easy 🙂 And it would be nice to stay in touch to swap notes about intuition.
      With love, Suzanne

  23. Suzanne, thank you. Blessings and love to you.

    • A pleasure, Li-ling. Blessings and love to you also ♡

  24. Reblogged this on Cultivating Intuition and commented:
    Suzanne Askham’s blog reflecting on her thoughts about Anita Moorjani and raising her disabled son Timothy is well worth reading. She speaks of how intuitive he is and her own experiences of ‘Intuitive bliss’. She too is writing a book which will be published under that title.

    • Thank you for sharing Timothy’s story on your blog, James ♡

  25. My dear Suzanne after reading your very moving and heartfelt blog and indeed all the above beautiful replies – as Timmy’s Grandmother I am just overcome and have been reduced to tears. Of all your writing, this has to be the most intimate and heartrending. God Bless you for opening your heart in this way. You have been and still are such a wonderful person and mother and Timmy has been very blessed to have you and indeed you are blessed to have Timmy. As you know, Timmy always gives me and his Grandad such unconditional love. He gives us a sense of calm, joy, happiness and peace. His wisdom and acceptance is an inspiration to us all.
    We thank you Suzanne for facing all of the challenges and for caring and loving Timmy in your very own special way. You are remarkable. We thank Steven for all his support to you and for all his love and attention to Timmy and most of all we thank Timmy for just being Timmy and for giving us so much joy and loving.
    Good luck and every success with your book Suzanne – we will look forward to reading it. Thank you and lots of love and blessings to you all.

    • Thank you for your lovely, warm-hearted support, Barbara. You know, before I posted this story, I hesitated. It felt like a very vulnerable thing to do. But it was so worth it. I have discovered that we truly are one community, world-wide, and we can all love and support one another. Doing this makes us human. With love and thanks to you and also John ♡

      • Thank you Suzanne – you certainly did the right thing in posting this wonderful and heartwarming story – so many lovely people have responded and it really has been such a joy in reading all their comments. God Bless.

  26. […] broke a long silence. I wrote a blog post about my 17-year-old disabled son, Timothy. I called it, ‘What I wish I’d said to Anita Moorjani’, and I posted it on Anita Moorjani’s Facebook page. The author of Dying to Be Me has a beautiful […]

  27. Dear Suzanne
    I found this very moving and profound, and am glad you shared Timothy’s photograph – what a delightful looking young man, radiating amazing energy.
    I hope he is continuing to grow stronger in his healing journey.
    Love and thanks for sharing
    Tim Varley

  28. Dearest suzanne, you did not have a vision. Nor an nde. You had a real experience similar to an nde in that you were in the pure unconditional love realm. You were back home. No vision, pure reality. The only reality there is in fact. Read up on life between lives and nde’s life before lives etc. Lucky you! I got a glimpse of it during a session with Paul aurand. Will never forget. Surrounds me with love, sustains and guides me. Namaste, Margaret


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