Wellbeing notes: Reflections on kindness
01/11/2024 at 9:59 am | Posted in Wellbeing | Leave a commentTags: disabiity, Guidance, kindness, life choices, life lessons, parenting, single parenting
A mother was sitting in Abbey Square, in Bath UK, with her disabled son beside her. A stranger approached them both, smiled at the teenager in his wheelchair, then offered his mother a bunch of colourful, fragrant flowers. “For you,” said the stranger, “Because of all that you do for your son.” And then she walked away.
The mother was me. The incident happened many years ago, but I still remember it and probably always will. Kindness is like that, isn’t it? Heartwarming, unconditional, and memorable.
World Kindness Day falls on Wednesday 13 November. The date is an invitation to create thoughtful acts in our community and further afield, and to celebrate kindness in everyday life. If you would like to learn more about this annual event, you can go to Kindness UK for ideas and perhaps to pledge action.
Practising compassion towards others and ourselves has been described as an innate aspect of human nature, that flourishes with encouragement. In 2020 the Mental Health Foundation together with YouGov conducted an online survey with over 4,000 adults. The survey found that both being kind and receiving kindness are widely linked with improved mental health.
Many people find that being considerate and caring can make us happy. Think of a genuine compliment you gave, that made someone’s face light up. A gift you offered without expectation of anything in return. A donation to a cause that will directly help disadvantaged people. Even if we can’t solve all the world’s problems, we can always create moments of kindness.
Wellbeing notes: tiny plant, giant teachings
03/05/2021 at 10:12 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 CommentsTags: lessons from nature, life lessons, meditation, meditation inspiration, selfcare, wellbeing
One regular walk takes me over the old canal bridge. I passed over it not so long ago and took a photo of a tiny clump of moss that grows there. Small details from nature such as moss make for excellent meditation subjects. You can give yourself a few minutes of quiet, close your eyes and imagine the tiny plant in sensory detail: the green, textured cushion; the slender stalks supporting spore capsules no bigger than a grain of rice.
When you notice that your mind has wandered, you simply remind yourself that you are here to meditate, and you focus again on your chosen subject – in this case, the moss.
We meditate in this way to pause the relentless chatter of our thoughts. It’s impossible to empty the mind completely; focusing on one subject is the next best thing. Doing this regularly can help us become calmer and less stressed. We can become more self-aware and may enjoy physical benefits, such as better sleep and decreased blood pressure.
Yesterday I returned to the bridge. I was taking a longer walk than usual and although I did pause to take in the view, I hurried on towards my destination. It wasn’t until I got home that I realised I hadn’t even noticed the moss that grows on the bridge. And I realised a simple truth: what we focus on is what we see.
My invitation to you is to choose mindfully what you focus on today.
From brain surgery to book publishing in just seven weeks
11/02/2020 at 3:09 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 CommentsTags: book, brain surgery, disability, life lessons, special needs, wellbeing
The universe has given me a major challenge recently. In the first week of January I underwent 10 hours of neurosurgery to remove a benign brain tumour – an acoustic neuroma. In the last week of February my new book, ‘This One is Special’, will be published. It’s a challenge because post-op I’ve had to relearn everything from walking to writing by hand. Book signings are a wobbly prospect!
I’m thrilled that this story of parenting my profoundly disabled son is about to be more widely shared. I’m relieved that a personal health condition that has dogged me for a decade or more has finally been sorted. And maybe the two events together are teaching me a valuable lesson.
The lesson is that we are not meant to struggle on alone. Over the past few weeks there has been a huge team of surgeons, anaesthetists, nurses, therapists and other medical staff helping me to better health. I feel deeply grateful to them all – and to the family and friends who have supported me throughout.
As a parent-carer of a young person with profound and multiple learning disabilities I know that statistically I’m a candidate for greater stress and ill health.
In my family, Tim has been ‘the poorly one’. He is the one who has spent over 100 days in intensive care, and has had investigations in a bewildering number of hospitals. Maybe it’s someone else’s turn. If so, I’m not sorry it’s been me. Brain surgery has consequences that mean I’ll never be the same. I still feel as wobbly as a foal. But compared with Tim’s experiences of critical illness, my surgery has honestly not been that bad, as I hope you can tell from the pic below, taken just five days after the event. Here’s to a healthy 2020!
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Suzanne Askham 