Wellbeing notes: Teachings from an ancient flower
31/03/2023 at 9:09 am | Posted in Wellbeing notes | Leave a commentTags: Guidance, inspiration, magnolias, mindfulness, nature, wellbeing, wisdom
There’s a magnolia tree that I know and love. With spring blooms of velvet pink, it brings pleasure to all who view it. But my magnolia is more than just a bunch of gorgeous flowers. Its cup-shaped blossoms tell an ancient story. And if I slow down enough to listen to that story, wellbeing results. Here are a few of magnolia’s insights.
‘Age is relative’
Magnolias have been growing for 20 million years. In comparison, humans are so young. It is believed that we have been on this planet for a mere 300,000 years. We are new-born babes compared with the magnolia tree. Maybe we should cut ourselves some slack. We are still learning, and that’s okay.
‘Think out of the box’
Magnolias evolved long before the arrival of bees. So, they attract a much older insect: flightless beetles, that chomp the sticky nectar. So, next time you’re grappling with a tricky problem, you might think of an alternative, ‘magnolia’ solution.
‘It’s fine to be a late bloomer’
Although my favourite magnolia tree flowers in spring, it likes to have a small, colourful flurry later in the year. And so it is with our own talents and interests. We are never too old to do something new.
‘Plan ahead’
By December, my magnolia will be covered in countless tight buds. The tree will protect them over winter, then enjoy a head start next spring. In the same spirit of looking ahead, what could you prepare today, in order to better use your energy tomorrow?
Fiction notes: Depicting war through the little moments
15/03/2023 at 11:25 am | Posted in Fiction notes | Leave a commentTags: emotional intelligence, emotions, empathy, healing, understanding conflict, war writing
I’ll be honest. Long descriptions of war don’t always work for me. But when I read how ordinary people are affected by the conflict… then, I relate to their sorrow. Emotions are all-important. It’s hard for anyone to feel much in the midst of a crisis. But in the aftermath… that’s when people grieve, and mend, and sometimes fracture. That’s when empathy and understanding emerge.
Currently I’m reading a book that embodies this principle. It’s not comfortable material, but it is helping me to understand the effects of war better.
Lucky Breaks is a collection of short stories set in war-torn Ukraine by Yevgenia Belorusets. Like fairytale characters seen through a distorting lens, the women of these stories unaccountably disappear from their ordinary lives, while the businesses of war move in. The women’s homes are destroyed and their offices are repurposed for the war effort. And the women grapple with the changes, unable to make sense of their nation’s new disorder. Rumours abound. One neighbour may have escaped to the country. Another woman – intelligent, educated, artistic and penniless – may have accepted admin work with a man who requires intimate services. Meanwhile, yet another acquaintance develops peculiar habits born of ongoing traumatic stress.
For me, this mosaic of fragmented lives conveys war more effectively than any detailed battle scene. I think Yevgenia Belorusets’s collection is giving me a better view of conflict. These ordinary people could easily be you or me, or our families. It’s easy to identify with them and feel their pain. I think it matters to bear witness to such all-too-human stories. Sometimes, the reading can even bring a little healing.
Photo: Mike Labrum/Unsplash
Wellbeing notes: Outdoor spring clean
01/03/2023 at 9:02 am | Posted in Wellbeing notes | Leave a commentTags: caring for the countryside, great outdoors, healthy habits, inspiration, mental wellbeing, spring clean, spring flowers
If you see a piece of litter on a country walk, do you pick it up sometimes, often, or never? In my case, if I’m honest, it depends on the litter. Some items can’t easily be picked up. Other times, I’m rushing past on my way to a Very Pressing Appointment, and I’d rather not turn up all mucky. But I hope that I do try to bag litter at least some of the time.
When you or I pick up discarded rubbish, we’re contributing to a beneficial practice which has been gaining real traction in the UK, and elsewhere.
This year the Great British Spring Clean runs from 17th March to 2nd April. Look out for individuals, pledging to fill a single bag; and volunteer groups, working together. For ideas on how to join in, see Keep Britain Tidy. In 2022’s Spring Clean, nearly half a million bags of refuse were apparently collected and properly disposed of. That’s a lot of tidying up – enough to make a visible difference.
Walking outdoors is brilliant for mental wellbeing as well as physical health. One of my favourite local walks takes me through woods, meadowland and over a tiny wild garlic stream, all dappled in sunlight. Over the coming weeks, additional flowers will grow along the route: fragrant bluebells like the ones pictured here; dainty lady’s smock; vibrant orchids; purple knapweed and tall, waving daisies. What I’d rather not see among them is an empty can or plastic wrapper, so if there’s anything along those lines, here is my pledge that I’ll be picking it up.
Fiction notes: Who’s telling the story?
15/02/2023 at 8:55 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: art of the novel, fiction, POV, romantic fiction, romantic novels, writing inspiration, writing techniques
Novels written in the first person have a certain power. When I read, “I am a free human being with an independent will,” in Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre, for example, I’m owning that thought. In my imagination, I am Jane.
Now consider these words further along in the same novel: “Reader, I married him”. That’s such a satisfying line – an emotional closure to a handkerchief-drenching plot. But Jane is now addressing the reader… and I am the reader, so therefore I can no longer imagine that I am Jane. So I slip into the role of confidante, which is nearly as good, but not quite. And yet the switch is worth it for the power of that line.
By addressing the reader directly, Charlotte Brontë breaks the fourth wall – she reminds us that Jane Eyre is a fictional character on a metaphorical stage. The stage, with its back and two sides, may resemble a four-walled room. But that illusion dissolves as soon as the audience is acknowledged.
Luckily, the reader’s imagination is elastic, as long as the storytelling is strong enough to support it. I’m quite happy to identify as Jane Eyre for the duration of the novel, except during those times when she addresses me.
If a novel is narrated in the third person, do we identify less with the central character? Logic suggests that we might. And yet consider Jane Austen’s Persuasion. My all-time favourite novel is narrated in the third person. However, Persuasion is stuffed full of dialogue, and possibly the best love note in the English language. There is therefore lots of first-hand experience to read and to enjoy.
What about you? Do you like a character to narrate her own story? And how does it feel to you if she talks directly to the reader?
Wellbeing notes: Putting the fab into February
01/02/2023 at 9:07 am | Posted in Wellbeing notes | Leave a commentTags: bath rituals, kindness, mindfulness, self-care, signs of spring, tulips, wellbeing
February can be a challenge. Winter is hard, and in the Northern Hemisphere we’ve already slogged through two months of it. We’ve had illness, snow, and floods. We’ve had storms, and the odd power cut. As I look out of my study window and into the garden, all I can see are bare trees and endless mud.
So how on earth can we start to feel better in February? Here are some ideas…
Bathe in bliss
February is named after an ancient Roman festival of purification. The original version involved making offerings and sacrifices. In the 21st Century, the month becomes an invitation to practise self-care. For example, you might enjoy a cleansing, candlelit bath, with salts. Adding a few drops of lavender oil fits in with the theme of wellbeing.
Go on a bud walk
The best thing about the month before spring is seeing signs of new life. A country walk may take you to snowdrops, and green shoots that will soon explode into a yellow froth of daffodils. And if we simply look upwards, we may spot the first soft brushes of blossom against a cool, clear sky.
Be kind in unexpected ways
Random Acts of Kindness Week runs from 12th to 18th February this year. Write a note of appreciation, or phone a friend or relative. Give a compliment or a bunch of flowers to a perfect stranger. Kindness benefits everyone, and it all starts with a good deed.
Fiction notes: Why Muscles Do Not Make a Man
15/01/2023 at 9:30 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 CommentsTags: a question of attraction, am writing, love interest, romances, romantic heroes, romantic novels, writing inspiration, Writing prompts
It is a truth universally acknowledged that when Woman meets potential Mate, one of the things she probably will notice is his muscles (or lack of them). In primal times, it mattered, of course, that a partner would be strong enough to help protect your future children. But does this matter today, in romantic fiction or, indeed, in life?
I have a dog who is stronger than me. Yet he looks to me, and to the other humans in the household, for affection, food and shelter. His physical strength is trumped by his need to be part of the pack. In our human world, the patriarchy became dominant by building on the advantages of muscular strength. But physicality has its limitations. Intelligence, collaboration, adaptability, inventiveness and agility are all useful attributes for a potential mate of any gender.
In fiction, it can be fun to combine different strengths in one delicious package. Think of Superman, the nerdy, bespectacled reporter, with muscles that can save countless others. Or the popular trope of the sexy librarian, in glasses. Glasses are a quick way to suggest intelligence, but maybe there are other descriptors that can work in less expected ways?
The male love interest in my current writing has a healthy, toned body and not, so far, any sign of glasses. But his most attractive quality has nothing at all to do with muscles, although he does use his strength to protect. So what exactly is this man’s mysterious appeal? Well, here’s the thing. He’s kind. And kindness can be the sexiest quality of all. (Though he does have to learn that, sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind.)
So, what characteristics do you like to see in a hero – or a potential mate? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Illustration: Self portrait by Philipp Otto Runge, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
Wellbeing notes: rhyming affirmations
04/01/2023 at 11:56 am | Posted in Wellbeing | 3 CommentsTags: affirmations, comforting thoughts, creative visualisation, creative writing, inspiration, positive affirmations, positivity, wellbeing
Perhaps every thought we have – especially the ones we think often, or fervently – has the potential to come true. Hence the expression, ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’. I do believe that humans are hugely creative beings, in ways we scarcely understand. If every thought is a possible manifestation, it makes sense to choose at least some of our thoughts wisely. And the very best way I know of doing that is through rhyming affirmations.
Verses that rhyme have a habit of staying in our minds longer. We may find ourselves remembering them without even trying. They become a mantra that uplifts, in a way that’s reminiscent of comforting childhood rhymes.
I regularly write my own, personal rhyming affirmations, recording them with pen and ink in a journal. They’re not high art – just verses that stick in the mind. Verses that I repeat slowly, and mindfully. Verses that leave me feeling calmer, and happier. If you are at all inclined, I encourage you, today or tomorrow, to come up with a rhyming affirmation for yourself. It can be as simple as two lines that rhyme. Put pen to paper, or finger to phone, and play a little. And remember, no one is judging your creation!
The following rhyming affirmation is one I wrote last year. It’s a bit longer – four verses in total. Yet I have found this one particularly easy to remember, and repeating it slowly never fails to ramp up the levels of joy in my day. It reminds me that anything is possible, and that life – not just in some mythical future, but right now – is filled with a wonderful magic.
I believe
I believe in deeds of kindness
and presents wrapped in love
I believe that people can connect
with intervention from above
~~~
I believe in our creations
and doses of good luck
I believe that fortune flourishes
and blocks can get unstuck
~~~
I believe in my good health
and my body being able
I believe in friends who help,
who can inspire and enable
~~~
I believe in gifts from God
and moments of laughter
I believe, above all, in love
and happy ever after
Introducing Fiction Notes
03/01/2023 at 3:16 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 CommentsTags: art of the novel, fiction, inspiration, Jane Austen fan club, love, musings on writers, romantic fiction, true love
My day job is writing romance novels. And from now on – fanfare, roll of drums – that’s going to be represented in my blog. This is my plan for 2023, and I hope you’ll stay for the ride…
At the start of every month I will continue to post Wellbeing Notes. From the many years that I ran meditation groups, I know that wellbeing truly matters. It’s important to honour this truth. Those little reminders to care for yourself and appreciate life’s beauties will continue to drop into subscribers’ inboxes.
In the middle of every month, I will post Fiction Notes. Get ready for some thought-provoking themes. There is so much more to romance than fluff and laughter, nice though those things may be. Consider Jane Austen, and her two masterpieces, Persuasion and Pride and Prejudice. Each of these is a quintessential, romantic read, in which woman meets man. Major obstacles get in the way. And eventually, true love triumphs. Why are those novels so popular, 200 years on, and counting?
Hopefully we’ll find some answers together in the coming months. Fiction Notes are for readers and writers of fiction, especially in the category of romance. Maybe we do live in tough times right now. But through every era, humans – with all our hopes and yearnings and messy emotions – stay essentially the same. So join me next month, and for many months to come, while we explore the most compelling subject of all: true love.
Wellbeing notes: Farewell, lovely meditations
01/12/2022 at 8:19 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: friendship, Guidance, life skills, meditation, Mind body spirit, Spirituality, wellbeing
For the past 14 years I’ve hosted weekly meditation groups. They’ve brought me masses of pleasure, as I hope they have for countless attendees. But we’re not built to do the same thing all our lives, and this month the doors will close for the last time on our peaceful meetings. To mark the moment, I thought I’d include some memories here, with thanks to all the fabulous souls who participated…
Meditation is not always quiet. The biggest secret about our sessions were that they were a 50/50 mix of chat and silence. The chat always had a theme – and sometimes that theme required a little noise. So let’s hear it for Trevor on the accordion and Kerstie on the Native American flute, not to mention the noisy swarm of bees that once perched on the wild cherry tree outside.
Meditators came from far and wide. We shared quiet times with guests from all over the world. Our youngest meditator was a very new baby. Our furriest attendee was a cat. Our most surprised visitor was the courier who tried to deliver to a room full of people sitting with their eyes closed – at least we weren’t chanting!
Those who meditate are creative – maybe the practice of stilling the mind helps ideas to flow. We have shared paintings, pottery, screen-printing, poetry, glasswork, and many other beautiful creations.
Meditation doesn’t have to take place in one room. During the pandemic, we went online. Other years we enjoyed the local countryside, including sacred Avebury, and neighbouring Somerset. The truth, as we discovered, is that peace, calm and kindness can flourish wherever we choose. And along the way, enduring friendships are made.
Wellbeing notes: A time to share
03/11/2022 at 11:12 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: helping hand, kindness, peace, refugees, sanctuary, sharing, Ukraine
Recently a stranger, a young woman, moved into my spare room. Before she arrived, I was nervous. I’d heard stories about house shares that had gone wrong: lodgers who expected hotel service; who made a terrible mess; who were noisy; who smoked or drank too much.
“It’s wise to set clear boundaries,” said the rep from the refugee department at the local council. So I settled on ‘No smoking’, and ‘No visitors’, and hoped for the best.
Needless to say my new lodger is lovely: quiet, considerate and thankful to be safe. The council rep is just a phone call away if I need guidance. A government payment covers any extra costs that I might incur. Honestly, the risk is minimal, and I’m glad I took a chance in opening my door.
Imagine, now, that bombs were falling in a town near you – close enough to hear them, close enough to feel unsafe. And now imagine that in some far away country there’s a household where you can stay… how welcome that sanctuary would be.
There are various ways to sponsor a refugee. In the UK, the easiest method is to register interest at gov.uk. In due course your local council contacts you, to invite you to join their list of available households. They send someone to okay your property, and organise a DBS (criminal record) check. And then, when your room is needed… your new lodger comes to stay.
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Suzanne Askham 