Suzanne Askham

Lonely no more, hello friends

This week, 18th to 22nd June, is Loneliness Awareness Week. Organised by Marmalade Trust, it aims to lift the lid on an uncomfortable subject. Show me someone who has never been lonely, and I will show you someone with a poor memory. Just look at this video of children talking about loneliness. Their words are touching and universal.

There is no one way of feeling lonely. There is no one age that is exempt. Almost half of all UK adults admit to feeling lonely at least some of the time. You can be lonely because you live on your own and don’t see many people. You can be lonely because you feel excluded from a social group.

Renting a flat with strangers can be a lonely feeling. So can dropping your child off at school and going home to an empty house. And it’s easy to feel lonely in a busy workplace, when you’d rather be with people you love.

Brief periods of loneliness are ok. They teach us to appreciate friends. But a long period of isolation can seem like solitary confinement. It eats into self-confidence. It erodes that all-important feeling that we are loved, and lovable.

This week, while the national focus is on loneliness, there are some valuable things that you can do.

Be aware of loneliness

Notice the emotion within yourself. Notice it in others. Don’t dismiss it, or call it by another name. Loneliness, like all emotions, is an honest feeling and can serve a purpose in creating change for the better.

Address your own loneliness

A simple step is this: each morning, write down a short list of achievable things to do that day. Include at least one item that is important to you: an interest of yours that perhaps has fallen by the wayside; or a cause you feel passionately about. Prioritise that item. Do whatever you can to complete it during your day. The chances are that doing so will include life-enhancing interactions with like-minded people.

Address the loneliness of others

Take a step to alleviate other people’s isolation. Make a point of talking to them in a friendly way, without any agenda. Create a sociable activity that will include local isolated people. Then follow up after that event. From time to time, have a friendly conversation with them. Start noticing, and caring about their wellbeing. In short, be a friend.

Make new connections

Here are some small steps that can help to banish loneliness: put your phone down to talk to someone on the bus, train, in the cafe or waiting room. Invite your colleagues to share the lunch break, share a smile with someone, ring an old friend or relative… what else might you add to that list?