Wellbeing notes: Lighting a candle for loved ones
01/12/2023 at 1:13 pm | Posted in Wellbeing notes | 1 CommentTags: Bereavement, Christmas reflections, Guidance, healing, inspiration, mindfulness, Spirituality
On Christmas Eve I love to step out into the fresh air to drop off last minute gifts and cards. Last December, as I went from one household to the next, I enjoyed glimpsing different interiors, some brightly lit with festive lights, others quieter, but each one a home.
One hall contained a special candle, lit for loved ones who had passed on. It was a touching reminder that we all suffer loss. These I remember: a white-haired neighbour in her cosy kitchen. My uncle who loved trains and working with wood. A friend who sent uplifting texts. And the gaps they’ve left behind will never quite be filled, because they were unique and wonderful beings.
That beautiful sister who sewed ballgowns by hand; the handsome boyfriend of a friend who seemed a keeper; the grandmother who took pleasure in sending hundreds of cards; the pet who went missing one too many times… these individuals were all loved and then they were mourned.
Since they left, new babies have been born. New friends have been made. New pets have been adopted. Life absolutely does go on. But remembering absent kith and kin is a golden part of the season. Because Christmas is above all about love. And, while we will always miss the ones who went before us, the love they left lives on.
Wellbeing notes: Embracing wabi-sabi
01/11/2023 at 2:26 pm | Posted in Uncategorized, Wellbeing notes | Leave a commentTags: healing, inspiration, life skills, meditation, mindfulness, time passing, wabi-sabi, wellbeing
November is not a famously pretty month. Though autumn leaves are stunning, they won’t be around for much longer. The nights are getting longer, and the land colder… and that, in a nutshell, is why November is a great month to enjoy the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi.
Wabi-sabi is a philosophic outlook that accepts the imperfection of beauty. Wabi-sabi recognises that nothing lasts, and yet nothing is ever truly completed. Leaves in late autumn are a perfect example of this. A growing season has finished… and yet the trees will burst into new life in the new year.
There’s a sweetly melancholy element to wabi-sabi, inviting us to experience the sadness of beauty as it fades away. To face up to this – to accept that real life does not come air-brushed – is a form of mindfulness, which can lead to a healthy acceptance of ourselves in this moment. The message of wabi-sabi is that it’s okay to age; and it’s okay to feel sadness for what has been and now is gone. When we accept the melancholy, we are also accepting that the scars we gain through life are a valuable part of who we are. In our imperfection lies a different, rarer kind of beauty.
So I invite you today to look at your world through the principles of wabi-sabi. What, or who, embodies the subtler kind of beauty that comes through imperfection? What, or who, deserves cherishing?
Wellbeing notes: Sparrowhawk meditation
01/10/2023 at 12:19 pm | Posted in Wellbeing notes | Leave a commentTags: Guidance, inspiration, meditation, mindfulness, nature, wellbeing
To live surrounded by nature is a privilege, and one I don’t take for granted. It feels extra special when animals – deer and hares in particular, as well as countless birds – trust humans enough to come up close.
Recently, this particular bird came calling: a female sparrowhawk. She was striking in every sense: strong, watchful and beautiful. I’d never seen one in such detail before, and was curious to read about her.
The Eurasian sparrowhawk, also known as Accipiter nisus, is a modestly sized bird of prey. They live in woodland, and hunt smaller birds. Used in falconry, they’ve featured in poems, myths and stories from many cultures.
The sparrowhawk, small and fierce, is said to represent a warrior’s inner spirit, complete with a clear-sighted ability to see the whole picture. A simple meditation on these qualities can be uplifting and energising.
Sit somewhere quietly. Take relaxed, even breaths. Then close your eyes and focus with your thoughts on the sparrowhawk’s characteristics – whatever comes to mind. You might think of its striped feathers and far-seeing eyes, You might think of its beauty, boldness and strength.
As you continue to breathe in and out, be aware that those qualities are also within you. Feel a purposeful power filling the whole of your being. Enjoy that sense of strength; truly own it. And when you’re ready, open your eyes.
I hope you enjoy this nature meditation. The message of the sparrowhawk ultimately comes down to this: you are stronger and more able than you think.
Wellbeing notes: Coconut flapjack recipe
01/09/2023 at 9:28 am | Posted in Wellbeing notes | Leave a commentTags: oats, recipe, simple pleasures, sweet treats, wellbeing
Back in the 1970s, I was given a new, blank recipe book. The first treats I added were simple, buttery flapjacks, which tasted lovely, but were… gooey. Over the next two decades, in a string of London kitchens, I tweaked the original ingredients. The notebook filled up, but the flapjacks remained a favourite. They were so easy to make, and almost everyone liked them.
In the 2000s, cooking times were adjusted for an old Aga that I acquired, in Wiltshire. But then, unaccountably, the recipe book was put on a shelf and forgotten. Not any more, though. “Oh, my goodness, these are amazing,” said one friend. Another mentioned that oats and coconuts have lots of health benefits (some of the other ingredients, less so, but I reckon home-baked snacks are broadly better than packaged sweets). A few asked for the recipe. So here it is.
Ingredients
170 g butter
1 tbsp honey
1 tbsp golden syrup
170 g demerara sugar
280 g oats
30 g desiccated coconut
Handful of sultanas
Optional: 30 g chocolate chips
Method
Set oven at 150ºC (fan-assisted)/170ºC (conventional) or use baking oven of Aga.
Butter and line a square 7”/18cm baking tray.
Slice the butter and melt gently in a pan. Add honey and syrup, then sugar. Stir from time to time until dissolved.
Add oats and coconut to a large bowl. Pour melted mixture over and mix well. Stir in sultanas, and chocolate chips if using.
Transfer mixture to baking tray and press down with the back of a spoon.
Bake for 16 to 20 minutes, or until browning slightly at edges.
(If using Aga, place on oven shelf on floor of baking oven, or use roasting oven with cold shelf above.)
Remove from oven and leave to cool thoroughly before cutting into squares.
Wellbeing notes: The meaning of dragonflies
01/08/2023 at 9:31 am | Posted in Uncategorized, Wellbeing notes | 4 CommentsTags: dragonflies, garden musings, mindfulness, nature inspiration, nature meditation, Nature's oracle, world in my garden
One of the nicest things about my garden in the summer is the presence of dragonflies. These iridescent, winged creatures waft and whirr around in fast motion, and they always leave me feeling uplifted.
I read recently that dragonfly numbers are increasing in the UK, refugees from hotter landmasses where freshwater habitats are unfortunately drying out.
Despite (or because of) their delicate build, these fairy-like creatures are proven survivors. Dragonflies have been around for an extraordinary 300 million years; their gigantic ancestors were among the first of the flying insects. Today, they’re found in every culture of the world and have an unrivalled place in folklore.
When you see, or dream of, a dragonfly, it is often said to be a sign of change and self-transformation. The dragonfly’s own journey embodies that truth: it may begin life as a dull, water-bound creature – but it becomes a miniature master of the air.
This remarkable transformation is a reminder that change is our own natural state. We are always moving into an airy and unknown future – an ultimately comforting truth during difficult times. The dragonfly’s message is optimistic: when the time is right, you will soar.
Wellbeing notes: iced tea recipe
01/07/2023 at 1:13 pm | Posted in Uncategorized, Wellbeing notes | 1 CommentTags: honey, iced tea, lemons, mint, oranges, recipe, summertime, tea bag recipes
Melody, the main character in the story I’m writing, was feeling hot and sticky. So, she made iced tea for a friend and herself. As Melody steeped tea bags, sliced lemons, and plucked mint leaves from the garden, I became more and more tempted to make some for myself.
Iced tea always makes me think of rocking chairs on cool verandas in the sunny southern states of America. But it happens to suit England in the summer extremely well. Delicious, cooling and refreshing, the caffeine content brings a reviving kick; and citrus fruit’s health benefits are always welcome. Iced tea is easy and inexpensive to make. Chances are, the few ingredients are already in the kitchen.
This is the recipe that I tend to use. It’s adapted from BBC Good Food’s Easy Iced Tea recipe.
Ingredients
1.5 litres cold water
2 tbsp golden granulated sugar
1.5 tbsp liquid honey
6 tea bags
2 lemons, one sliced, one juiced
2 oranges, one sliced, one juiced
1 or 2 sprigs fresh mint
Method
Pour the cold water into a large jug. Add sugar and honey; stir to dissolve.
Add teabags. Steep for ten minutes.
Remove tea bags and discard. Chill in fridge until ready to drink.
Add lemon slices and juice, orange slices and juice, and mint leaves torn roughly in half. Serve in tall glasses with ice.
Wellbeing notes: The therapy of small things
01/06/2023 at 9:57 am | Posted in Wellbeing notes | 2 CommentsTags: Guidance, healing, inspiration, life skills, mindfulness, nature, wellbeing
I’d come home from a really stressful term of studies. I was questioning everything I’d ever learnt, anxious about the truth and direction of my life.
Home at that time was an Italian villa by a lake where water buffalo roamed, and mafiosi ruled. Home seemed so different from the English university I’d just left. And the contrast just made things worse.
But then something small happened. I was walking in the garden, between green lemon trees and a wall where purple bougainvillea grew. Beneath the wall, my mother and brother were positioning a section of flattened tree trunk. “It’s a bench,” my mum explained.
Curiously, when she said that, something within me settled. All those big questions, crowding my mind… they were abstract problems. You couldn’t touch them, like you could touch the lemon trees or the bougainvillea. And a bench in the garden where people could sit, and maybe heal from whatever was troubling them… you could touch that.
Right then, I began to appreciate the therapy of small things.
Fast forward to present times, to Wiltshire, in England. Last week, a young family friend came to stay, anxious and needing a break from uni. There was no handy tree trunk to turn into a bench. But I was looking after my neighbours’ hens. So, I invited her to help me feed them.
As the hens tucked into lettuce, she visibly relaxed. “I needed this,” she said.
And I hoped then that the therapy of small things had found another fan.
Wellbeing notes: The Patina of a Person
01/05/2023 at 12:11 pm | Posted in Wellbeing notes | Leave a commentTags: ageless, antiques, self-acceptance, slow beauty, time passing, true beauty, wabi sabi, wellbeing
There’s an upcoming auction near me on 11th May: The Fine Contents of a Wiltshire Property. I may attend, because there’s a similar scene I’m working on in the novel that I’m currently writing. It’ll be useful research.
There’s something about antique objects that is innately pleasing, despite or maybe because of the way they’ve changed over time. Consider my great grandmother’s sewing box, pictured here. Maybe one day the parquetry lid will be restored, but even so, it will never again look new. Its surfaces reveal the passage of time – and that is surely part of its charm. Wear and tear, interspersed with licks of polish… there are no short cuts when it comes to creating an aged surface, or patina.
And so it is with people. We all age differently, and we all face different choices when it comes to the process of time. Do we apply skincare creams, including sun block, daily; do we opt for more drastic intervention? How do we react to the arrival of white hair? And do we keep our bodies flexible through exercise?
We each find our own answers to these questions. However, the icon of older beauty for me will always be the white-haired woman (or man), with serene and cared-for features, who accepts and embraces her true age. She has learned the art of self-acceptance, and to love life fully. That is truly something to aspire to.
Wellbeing notes: Teachings from an ancient flower
31/03/2023 at 9:09 am | Posted in Wellbeing notes | 1 CommentTags: Guidance, inspiration, magnolias, mindfulness, nature, wellbeing, wisdom
There’s a magnolia tree that I know and love. With spring blooms of velvet pink, it brings pleasure to all who view it. But my magnolia is more than just a bunch of gorgeous flowers. Its cup-shaped blossoms tell an ancient story. And if I slow down enough to listen to that story, wellbeing results. Here are a few of magnolia’s insights.
‘Age is relative’
Magnolias have been growing for 20 million years. In comparison, humans are so young. It is believed that we have been on this planet for a mere 300,000 years. We are new-born babes compared with the magnolia tree. Maybe we should cut ourselves some slack. We are still learning, and that’s okay.
‘Think out of the box’
Magnolias evolved long before the arrival of bees. So, they attract a much older insect: flightless beetles, that chomp the sticky nectar. So, next time you’re grappling with a tricky problem, you might think of an alternative, ‘magnolia’ solution.
‘It’s fine to be a late bloomer’
Although my favourite magnolia tree flowers in spring, it likes to have a small, colourful flurry later in the year. And so it is with our own talents and interests. We are never too old to do something new.
‘Plan ahead’
By December, my magnolia will be covered in countless tight buds. The tree will protect them over winter, then enjoy a head start next spring. In the same spirit of looking ahead, what could you prepare today, in order to better use your energy tomorrow?
Wellbeing notes: Outdoor spring clean
01/03/2023 at 9:02 am | Posted in Wellbeing notes | Leave a commentTags: caring for the countryside, great outdoors, healthy habits, inspiration, mental wellbeing, spring clean, spring flowers
If you see a piece of litter on a country walk, do you pick it up sometimes, often, or never? In my case, if I’m honest, it depends on the litter. Some items can’t easily be picked up. Other times, I’m rushing past on my way to a Very Pressing Appointment, and I’d rather not turn up all mucky. But I hope that I do try to bag litter at least some of the time.
When you or I pick up discarded rubbish, we’re contributing to a beneficial practice which has been gaining real traction in the UK, and elsewhere.
This year the Great British Spring Clean runs from 17th March to 2nd April. Look out for individuals, pledging to fill a single bag; and volunteer groups, working together. For ideas on how to join in, see Keep Britain Tidy. In 2022’s Spring Clean, nearly half a million bags of refuse were apparently collected and properly disposed of. That’s a lot of tidying up – enough to make a visible difference.
Walking outdoors is brilliant for mental wellbeing as well as physical health. One of my favourite local walks takes me through woods, meadowland and over a tiny wild garlic stream, all dappled in sunlight. Over the coming weeks, additional flowers will grow along the route: fragrant bluebells like the ones pictured here; dainty lady’s smock; vibrant orchids; purple knapweed and tall, waving daisies. What I’d rather not see among them is an empty can or plastic wrapper, so if there’s anything along those lines, here is my pledge that I’ll be picking it up.
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Suzanne Askham 