Journey of Geese: Embracing Change and Adventure

01/11/2025 at 12:42 pm | Posted in Uncategorized, Wellbeing notes | Leave a comment
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The path along Cocklemore Brook gets a bit muddy at times. Pretty, but muddy. The other day I was tiptoeing over damp autumn leaves when a noise overhead caused me to look up. Geese, honking in formation – flapping heavy wings in a tired ‘V’ shape they likely maintained all the way from Iceland, Greenland or beyond.

There’s something rather soulful about the noise of flying geese. How do they manage to sound both mournful, and adventurous? Perhaps I’m dwelling on this right now because my daughter has recently gone to the other side of the world, and she won’t be back until the geese have returned to their homelands, hatched their young, and started gathering for their next winter in the British Isles. 

There is a wrench somewhere around the heart when a loved one is absent. Yet it’s not all sad, because I’m happy for my daughter to stretch her own wings: to enjoy a new adventure and become more independent. 

The urge to travel is no doubt deep within humans, as much as it’s within those tired geese overhead. If we can’t, or choose  not to, cover physical distance, we can always use our imaginations. Perhaps that’s why the honking of geese as they fly is so evocative: it’s the sound of faraway places, heard within the comfort of our own neighbourhood. 

Wellbeing notes: Season of hope

01/02/2025 at 9:56 am | Posted in Uncategorized, Wellbeing, Wellbeing notes | Leave a comment
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These weeks, right now, when winter is sliding muddily into early spring… there’s no time quite like it. It’s not the most beautiful of seasons. And yet, with its sprinkling of snowdrops and ever lighter skies, there lies, embedded in our local landscape, the hope of warmer days. 

As the heroine of Anne of Green Gables says, “Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.” And since we are only in February, there are plenty of tomorrows left in the year.

A pessimistic friend of mine is skilled at pointing out the many problems in the world. But perhaps when things look most dire, that’s when we have the greatest need for hope. Or, to put it another way, in places of darkness, the light of hope may appear to shine more brightly and become most meaningful to others. To nurture hope is a valuable survival skill. Hope brings no guarantee of success, or peace, or happiness – but it does say that these things are possible. 

I love the words of the author Barbara Kingsolver, in her novel, Animal Dreams. ‘The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.’

May we all be safe, and well, and happy in our houses of hope this year. 

Note: the daisy pictured was photographed at The Burren Perfumery. This family business makes perfumes and skincare products inspired by its stunning surroundings on the wild, west coast of Ireland.

Wellbeing notes: when someone treats you badly

01/01/2025 at 9:59 am | Posted in Uncategorized, Wellbeing notes | 2 Comments
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There are friends that you’ve known so long that they’re virtually family. And there are family members you like so much that they qualify as friends. All being well, they’re the bright flowers along our often bumpy path through life.

But what about the volatile ‘friend’, relative or partner, who offends, hurts or upsets you? The one who treats you in ways that aren’t respectful?

The festive season that we’re just emerging from has hopefully been full of loving kindness for you and yours. But it isn’t, unfortunately, that way for everyone. Prolonged proximity indoors with none of the usual excuses to step away may create the perfect conditions for tempers to fray and snap, and then, very possibly, keep snapping well into the new year. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of such treatment, it can become extremely hard to forget the pain.

For many years my work meant that countless individuals confided in me about their troubled relationships. I learnt that there are many ways for one person to hurt or disempower another. I saw how, over time, a person’s self-esteem may suffer, making it even harder for them to step away from a toxic relationship. In a minor way, I have also been on the receiving end. Based on the above, non-expert experience, this is the approach that I’ve adopted along the way.

Stand your ground if that’s safe

You, and your wellbeing, matter. Always remember that. When a difficult person seeks to belittle you, it’s too easy to start feeling ‘less than’ – as though you somehow don’t deserve life’s basic human rights. But you do. You always do.

In situations where you feel verbally insulted rather than physically threatened, it might be helpful to remind the bully, “We don’t make personal comments.” There’s something about that schoolroom language that some people respond to. It’s also a good reminder to yourself that no one should become used to being insulted.

Don’t let yourself become isolated within the problem relationship. Step away. Talk to a sympathetic friend if possible. Just talking can help you to see your options more clearly.

Get help if you need it

It’s never okay for someone to physically hurt you. It’s always a good idea to quit a situation like that ASAP. Here are some useful organisations who can help you to arrange a route to safety should that become the best option.

• For women and children who are being abused in the UK, contact Refuge or phone the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, day or night, on 0808 2000 247

• In England and Wales, if you are being abused verbally, physically or through coercive and controlling behaviour, contact Victim Support or phone their helpline, 24/7, on 0808 16 89 111.

• Safe Spaces are safe, confidential rooms where victims can take some time to reflect, access information on specialist support services or call friends or family. Safe Spaces are available in Boots, Morrisons, Superdrug and Well pharmacies, TSB banks and independent pharmacies across the UK.

More sources of help nationwide can be located through gov.uk.

Good friends can become family and family can be good friends. But if such relationships ever threaten to cause you harm, please remember that you and your wellbeing matter. And that there’s always someone who can help.

Wellbeing notes: Being peaceful in a hectic world

01/04/2024 at 1:05 pm | Posted in Wellbeing notes | 4 Comments
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A good friend once lived in a serene flat on a lively street. Cars sped past. Lorries lumbered. But in my friend’s lounge there was a picture of a temple garden that seemed to invite the viewer to breathe, and relax. 

I’ve always loved the contrast between busyness and peace. Perhaps it dates back to an old tollbar cottage that my grandparents used to live in. We children slept under sloping eaves. Outside, cars zoomed. Inside, all was still. Yes, the traffic held dangers. But in the cottage, we always felt safe.

Now, this can require a certain amount of work, a shift of mindset. But sometimes, when you are surrounded by bustle, that’s when you can feel especially peaceful. 

There is an old story that illustrates this. Weighed down by state business, an emperor was hungry for tranquillity. Three of the best artists in the land were summoned to produce a painting that would help him to feel calm. 

The first artist painted a still lake. The second created an untrodden, snowy landscape. “Very nice,” said the emperor. And then he turned to the final painting, which didn’t seem tranquil at all: a forest waterfall crashing down from a great height. “This is the one,” exclaimed the emperor to his puzzled courtiers. And he pointed to a nest, where a bird slept soundly. “That,” said the emperor, “is true tranquillity.”

However hectic the world may be, I wish you the peace of true tranquillity.

Wellbeing notes: Believe, dream, rinse, repeat

01/03/2024 at 6:23 pm | Posted in Wellbeing notes | 2 Comments
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Recently I spent a couple of days by the sea. The apartment was a quiet, uncluttered space. There was little in the way of decoration – why compete with the marvellous view? However, the few decorative touches – cushions, pebbles, wall art – featured a bunch of positive slogans, often with a maritime feel. 

At first I smiled and then basically ignored the uplifting messages. But in an eyrie with little else to distract the eye (when not actually looking at the view), these pieces of advice gradually sunk in, like a sort of mantra. Dream, invited a pebble by the front door. Believe in your dreams, urged a canvas above the kitchen sink. By the sea all worries wash away, whispered a driftwood panel above the harbour boats.  

And actually, I decided, it was very sound advice. How often have you dreamed of something you would love to have in your life and then decided that it wouldn’t be possible, for one reason or another? But it’s okay to believe in a broadly positive future. There is always room for hope. 

And then what about the idea that water can wash away your troubles? I have a friend who has struggled with mental health issues, who has found that outdoor swimming stops the spiral of destructive thoughts like nothing else. Although that’s not for everyone, even a simple, candlelit bath can shift the mood quite wonderfully. What dream do you have? What dream will you believe in today?

Wellbeing notes: Lighting a candle for loved ones

01/12/2023 at 1:13 pm | Posted in Wellbeing notes | 1 Comment
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On Christmas Eve I love to step out into the fresh air to drop off last minute gifts and cards. Last December, as I went from one household to the next, I enjoyed glimpsing different interiors, some brightly lit with festive lights, others quieter, but each one a home. 

One hall contained a special candle, lit for loved ones who had passed on. It was a touching reminder that we all suffer loss. These I remember: a white-haired neighbour in her cosy kitchen. My uncle who loved trains and working with wood. A friend who sent uplifting texts. And the gaps they’ve left behind will never quite be filled, because they were unique and wonderful beings. 

That beautiful sister who sewed ballgowns by hand; the handsome boyfriend of a friend who seemed a keeper; the grandmother who took pleasure in sending hundreds of cards; the pet who went missing one too many times… these individuals were all loved and then they were mourned. 

Since they left, new babies have been born. New friends have been made. New pets have been adopted. Life absolutely does go on. But remembering absent kith and kin is a golden part of the season. Because Christmas is above all about love. And, while we will always miss the ones who went before us, the love they left lives on. 

Wellbeing notes: Embracing wabi-sabi

01/11/2023 at 2:26 pm | Posted in Uncategorized, Wellbeing notes | Leave a comment
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November is not a famously pretty month. Though autumn leaves are stunning, they won’t be around for much longer. The nights are getting longer, and the land colder… and that, in a nutshell, is why November is a great month to enjoy the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi.

Wabi-sabi is a philosophic outlook that accepts the imperfection of beauty. Wabi-sabi recognises that nothing lasts, and yet nothing is ever truly completed. Leaves in late autumn are a perfect example of this. A growing season has finished… and yet the trees will burst into new life in the new year.

There’s a sweetly melancholy element to wabi-sabi, inviting us to experience the sadness of beauty as it fades away. To face up to this – to accept that real life does not come air-brushed – is a form of mindfulness, which can lead to a healthy acceptance of ourselves in this moment. The message of wabi-sabi is that it’s okay to age; and it’s okay to feel sadness for what has been and now is gone. When we accept the melancholy, we are also accepting that the scars we gain through life are a valuable part of who we are. In our imperfection lies a different, rarer kind of beauty.

So I invite you today to look at your world through the principles of wabi-sabi. What, or who, embodies the subtler kind of beauty that comes through imperfection? What, or who, deserves cherishing?

Wellbeing notes: The therapy of small things

01/06/2023 at 9:57 am | Posted in Wellbeing notes | 2 Comments
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I’d come home from a really stressful term of studies. I was questioning everything I’d ever learnt, anxious about the truth and direction of my life. 

Home at that time was an Italian villa by a lake where water buffalo roamed, and mafiosi ruled. Home seemed so different from the English university I’d just left. And the contrast just made things worse.

But then something small happened. I was walking in the garden, between green lemon trees and a wall where purple bougainvillea grew. Beneath the wall, my mother and brother were positioning a section of flattened tree trunk. “It’s a bench,” my mum explained. 

Curiously, when she said that, something within me settled. All those big questions, crowding my mind… they were abstract problems. You couldn’t touch them, like you could touch the lemon trees or the bougainvillea. And a bench in the garden where people could sit, and maybe heal from whatever was troubling them… you could touch that. 

Right then, I began to appreciate the therapy of small things.

Fast forward to present times, to Wiltshire, in England. Last week, a young family friend came to stay, anxious and needing a break from uni. There was no handy tree trunk to turn into a bench. But I was looking after my neighbours’ hens. So, I invited her to help me feed them. 

As the hens tucked into lettuce, she visibly relaxed.  “I needed this,” she said.

And I hoped then that the therapy of small things had found another fan. 

Fiction notes: Depicting war through the little moments

15/03/2023 at 11:25 am | Posted in Fiction notes | Leave a comment
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I’ll be honest. Long descriptions of war don’t always work for me. But when I read how ordinary people are affected by the conflict… then, I relate to their sorrow. Emotions are all-important. It’s hard for anyone to feel much in the midst of a crisis. But in the aftermath… that’s when people grieve, and mend, and sometimes fracture. That’s when empathy and understanding emerge.

Currently I’m reading a book that embodies this principle. It’s not comfortable material, but it is helping me to understand the effects of war better.

Lucky Breaks is a collection of short stories set in war-torn Ukraine by Yevgenia Belorusets. Like fairytale characters seen through a distorting lens, the women of these stories unaccountably disappear from their ordinary lives, while the businesses of war move in. The women’s homes are destroyed and their offices are repurposed for the war effort. And the women grapple with the changes, unable to make sense of their nation’s new disorder. Rumours abound. One neighbour may have escaped to the country. Another woman – intelligent, educated, artistic and penniless – may have accepted admin work with a man who requires intimate services. Meanwhile, yet another acquaintance develops peculiar habits born of ongoing traumatic stress. 

For me, this mosaic of fragmented lives conveys war more effectively than any detailed battle scene. I think Yevgenia Belorusets’s collection is giving me a better view of conflict. These ordinary people could easily be you or me, or our families. It’s easy to identify with them and feel their pain. I think it matters to bear witness to such all-too-human stories. Sometimes, the reading can even bring a little healing.

Photo: Mike Labrum/Unsplash

Message from the oracle deck

03/08/2021 at 5:28 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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There is a pack of oracle cards, called the Oracle of Illumination, that was given to me by Vivien, a dear friend whom I met during my training with The Healing Trust. The bag that the cards rest in nowadays was a gift from Judith, a beloved sister of mine. Both women are now in the light, and yet it feels to me as though their kind influence is evident each time I use the cards.

This morning I drew the card, ‘Energiser’. The book that came with the deck was discarded long ago as I am one of those lawless beings who likes to receive impressions directly from an oracle, without reference to the authors’ personal interpretations. Instead, I went for a walk through the local meadows and let the word become a refrain as I strolled. And these were some of the questions in my mind.

How does the word ‘energiser’ figure in your life today? What and who energise you? What and who leave you feeling low in energy?

I realised that walking in green spaces or doing some yoga or writing my current novel can be deeply energising, even if, before the start of those exercises, I was feeling tired. In contrast, sitting still for long periods doing nothing in particular can actually deplete my energy. And although there are necessary, dull tasks in everyone’s day, making sure to include energising activities, whatever that means to you, is essential self-care.

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